The Ultimate Family Support Checklist After Losing a Loved One

Grief takes over the emotional bandwidth of a family. It also takes over the practical bandwidth — the ability to remember the mortgage is due, the insurance requires a death certificate, and the dog hasn't been walked since Tuesday. This checklist is what a good friend with a legal pad would write down for you.

Print it. Share it. Adapt it. It's designed to be used, not admired.

The first 72 hours

1. Contact immediate family and closest friends. Delegate the rest of the notifications.
2. Contact the funeral home to begin arrangements.
3. Locate any pre-planning documents, will, or written wishes.
4. Order 10–15 certified copies of the death certificate. You'll need more than you think.
5. Notify the employer (of the deceased and of any family members who need bereavement leave).
6. Assign a point person for meals and household coordination — not a member of the immediate family.
7. Cancel or reschedule anything on the family's calendar for the next week.
8. Arrange care for children and pets during arrangements and the funeral.

The first week

1. Confirm funeral date, time, location, and dress code with everyone attending.
2. Coordinate lodging and airport transport for out-of-town family.
3. Write the obituary or delegate to a family member with editing skills.
4. Notify extended family, coworkers, neighbors, and community groups.
5. Set up a shared meal schedule for at least six weeks (see our guide on organizing meals after a funeral).
6. Ask a trusted friend to manage the front door on funeral day.
7. Photograph or list every flower arrangement and gift as it arrives — thank-you notes come later.
8. Have someone stay at the house during the funeral if security is a concern.

The first month

1. File the will with the appropriate court.
2. Contact the Social Security Administration to stop benefits and inquire about survivor benefits.
3. Notify life insurance, health insurance, and any pension providers.
4. Notify banks, credit card companies, and retirement account custodians.
5. Change joint account ownership as needed.
6. Notify the DMV, voter registration, and passport authorities.
7. Cancel subscriptions, memberships, and recurring payments in the deceased's name.
8. Change utility and mortgage accounts to the surviving spouse's name.
9. Continue the meal schedule at three meals a week.
10. Schedule at least one visit per week from a close friend.

Months two through six

This is when the world moves on and the family doesn't. Public attention fades. The casseroles stop. The texts thin out. This is when grief actually settles in — and it's when your continued presence matters most.

1. Text on the two-month, three-month, and six-month marks. Expect no reply.
2. Continue one meal a week for as long as helpers keep signing up.
3. Handle a household task nobody else remembered: gutter cleaning, HVAC filter, tire rotation.
4. Offer to help sort belongings when the family is ready — not before.
5. Send a card, not a text, on the deceased's birthday.
6. Include the family in social plans, even if you assume they'll say no.
7. Talk about the person who died. Say their name. Grieving families are terrified their loved one will be forgotten.
8. Continue offering rides, especially to unfamiliar appointments (attorney, financial planner, grief counselor).

The first year and beyond

Anniversaries are landmines. Holidays are worse. The one-year mark is often harder than the loss itself, because the world has moved on and the griever hasn't.

• Reach out on every first — first birthday, first holiday, first anniversary, first summer.
• Send a card on the one-year mark. Not a text.
• Invite the family to Thanksgiving and Christmas — even if it feels awkward, especially if it feels awkward.
• Continue including them in ordinary invitations. Isolation is the compounding tragedy of grief.
• Say the deceased's name. Ask stories about them. Let the family talk.

If you're the coordinator

You are the single most important person in this checklist. The family cannot manage all of this. You can. You don't have to do every task — you have to make sure someone does.

1. Start a Rally on day two. Invite everyone.
2. Post specific tasks: meals, rides, house-sitting during the funeral, grocery runs.
3. Send reminders two days before each slot.
4. Keep the schedule running for at least six months.
5. Take care of yourself. Coordinator burnout is real. Delegate.